Well here is the shout out to my Sarah girl!  Thank you friend for the videos.  They came in the mail yesterday.   I thought that I would try them out this morning.  This morning’s work out? Pilates…beginners Pilates.  In my mind, I don’t know about you, beginner is synonymous with easy.  So I can do the 50 minute routine no problem.  Did you know that Joe Pilates had asthma?  I found that out while I was taking hits from my oxygen tank while lying on the floor after the first five minutes.  Did you also know that Joe Pilates was a sadist?  Yeah there were things that the super bendy girl was asking me to do that defied my body’s natural obedience to gravity and also did not sound or look beautiful.  The dogs were asking themselves why mommy was rolling around on the ground trying to give herself a bath.  In my defense my tongue was sticking out only in the hopes that it would touch my knees before my hands did and therefore would count as “1″.

The hardest part about all this is the mental war.  I know that we have talked about this before and believe me this in not the last time that we will talk about it.  My body is weak because of inactivity and Lyme.  When I work out too hard I can get really sick.  So where is the line for me between pushing and making myself stronger and respecting my body in its place of healing itself?  So I question each move saying that I am going to hard.  I get mad at myself because I want to push harder.  I go back and forth and back and forth between these thoughts and I miss the cues from the video that I am now supposed to put my head between my knees while balancing on my backside.  Again the dogs question.

So hard you guys.  This is so damn hard!  Where is the middle?  Where is the middle of me?  Will it ever get better?  What if it never does?  I am so weak today and maybe that is a good thing because here is where God can be strong in me.  He can be strong but I don’t know if that means anything is going to change.  Uuuggghhh this is ugly today.  Sorry I thought this was going to be a much funnier post.

I will rest and try again on Friday.  At least I moved my body a little bit more than I did yesterday.  I have to celebrate the fact that I put the DVD in the computer.  I have to celebrate the fact that I got changed.  I have to celebrate the fact that I made it 10 minutes in a Pilates routine.  Gotta start somewhere.

What have you done today that is more than yesterday?  What feels insurmountable?  What little step will you celebrate so that you keep moving forward?


This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011 at 9:14 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

3 Responses Leave a Reply

    KPotts said:

    Mar. 23, 2011

    Oh, so timely…right now…for me, it’s putting dishes in the dishwasher. As I walked in and sat down to avoid the chores I need to do, I said to myself, if I can just get the dishes in the dishwasher, then I’ve accomplished something! Oh, the mental battle!!! I hear ya, Linds!!!

    Nikki Brown said:

    Mar. 23, 2011

    I just told Meirabelle and the boys I’m babysitting that I would walk and they could ride their bikes when it is time to pick Micah up from track practice. Why, you ask. Well, if I have told the kids we will do something fun for them that also makes me exercise, I have a harder time backing out and just sitting on the couch (which is what I really want to do).
    Thanks for sharing your struggles with us, Lindsay. It is always nice to know I’m not alone. You don’t have to be funny every day (although, your pilates descriptions were hysterical).
    Blessing on you,

    sarah said:

    Mar. 31, 2011

    oh my sweet girl, that was so not my intention! perhaps my own pilates videos are less traumatizing, and I will send those instead! I am proud of you for making it that long, and for all the brave and beautiful steps you take each day. if nothing else, we will continue to make each other laugh, hold on to one another while crying, and entertain our dogs, yes?!?! i love you

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