Self Help Hell

Mar. 22, 2011 2 Comments Posted under: Uncategorized

To be quite honest it is really hard for me to come and post today.  There are a lot of things going on in my head and it is a little hard for me to organize them into concrete thoughts.  I have many irons in the fire in the world of self help.  I am working on finances, I am working in organizing myself and consequently my home, I am eating a yeast free diet, and I am reading books to get on top of one of my baby’s learning struggles.  I know that you are probably saying to yourself that I should put off a couple of these things.  Trust me when I say that I was not intending to start all of these things it is just how it has panned out.  There are days when I think about all of the things that I am working on and I just want to quit and say I LIKE MYSELF JUST THE WAY THAT I AM!!  But me just as I am unfortunately brings about self-criticism because I really don’t want to continue on the path that I have been on for the last four years.

So what am I doing to deal with this current self help hell?  I am celebrating the little things and when I mean the little things I mean little.

Getting better from Lyme is like coming back from the dead.  You begin to doubt yourself so severely that you aren’t even sure if you should or shouldn’t start the dishwasher because maybe you could load it differently.  Things like getting yourself and your family to the car can bring about so much anxiety for me that I spend hours figuring out how we are going to do it.  What time I am going to start.  What I need to bring.  Talking myself off of the ledge that people get in their cars everyday and that I can do it.  Sound ridiculous?  Welcome to my life.  This is where celebrating the little things really starts to matter.  My self confidence requires it.

So I get really excited when I have cleaned up lunch and I have dinner prepped and cleaned up so that when Mr. Ying comes home he doesn’t have to plan out dinner.  Have I done the other 200 hundred things that housewives do?  Nope.  But I have cleaned the table, I have cleaned out the sink, I have prepped dinner, and I have swept.  These are big accomplishments for me.  I celebrate having a handful of carrots instead of 1/2 a bowl of cookie dough.  I celebrate not spending money when I know that I don’t have it.  I celebrate getting a shower before 4:00.  I celebrate my time with God.  These are all things that keep me going.  When I celebrate instead of criticize I find myself more motivated to do other things and not so overwhelmed that I want to quit.

Also along with celebrating the little things I am learning to be thankful for the little things.  Thankful for the fact that the dishwasher works and I don’t have to do them by hand.  Thankful for water that comes out of the tap.  Thankful that carrots are sweet and crunchy.  Thankful that I am not worried about eating radioactive eggs.  When I appreciate instead of grumble I realize that not everything in my life is an uphill battle.  Not everything is against me.  That indeed I have many many blessings in my life and life is…..are you ready….I don’t know if you are…..but here it is…life..is..GOOD!  It is not some series of unfortunate events.  This allows me the chance to get up and try again.

I wish that life was one sided sometimes.  I wish that all I had to worry about was what I was eating and working out but it sadly is not.  Yet on the other hand thank God that it is not.  Working on my marriage, parenting, and self enriches my life and allows me to change, hopefully for the better.

What should you celebrate today?  What are you thankful for?  Think small and you will move big mountains.

with love

ying

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011 at 10:38 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

2 Responses Leave a Reply

    Drew said:

    Mar. 22, 2011

    I celebrate the fact that you are in my life: that I can call, we can talk, laugh, complain, bemoan, and encourage each other. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you…and I’m thankful that I don’t have to know :-)

    Judy Dippel said:

    Mar. 23, 2011

    I celebrate you, my daughter that I love! And also, your commitment to walk the uphill road to wellness.
    I can’t wait to spend a few days together. Love, Mom

Leave a Reply